5 simple ways to get off autopilot mode

5 simple ways to get off autopilot mode

Human traffic during London commute — autopilot activated to make it bearable.

I’d been driving for a good ten minutes in busy traffic – on autopilot. As a relatively new driver with two small kids in the back it freaked. me. out.

What had I actually been doing for the last 5 minutes? I probably wouldn’t even have noticed it if I wasn’t so new to driving.

Our brains are amazing! Once we’ve mastered something it becomes a routine. We don’t need to consciously think about it anymore. The subconscious takes care of it all. And other times, things are just damn unpleasant and there is nothing we can do about it, like getting crushed on the London underground at rush hour; so, zoning out can be a useful coping mechanism.

Let’s face it who hasn’t eaten in a rush; guzzling down food in order to get to the next thing on your to do list? Or found yourself on automatic mode when you’re drinking your coffee, or having a shower, or doing your groceries, or working out in the gym?

Maybe it’s OK because you’re doing some seriously good thinking during all those autopilot moments. Or you’re giving your conscious mind the break it deserves because doing everything consciously can be exhausting. But, maybe your mind is on autopilot mode too! And you’re just going over all those recurring (often completely unhelpful) thoughts that run through your head day in day out.

Whatever way it is — you will have missed the flavours and textures of your meal, the smell of your coffee, the feel of the water on your skin, the elderly lady in aisle 12 who needed help reaching something and the warnings your body was giving you that you were overdoing it and just about to strain your hamstring.

No real lasting harm done … but …what if the majority of your life seems to be on autopilot? You’re there but you’re not there. You’re so busy doing the do; the endless to do list, the work commitments, the family events, the domestic responsibilities; that you’re no longer really aware of what you’re doing or present to your life at all.

When whole days, weeks, months go by and you can’t really remember what you did, when you’re only ever in script mode with your nearest and dearest, or the work you used to find rewarding is something to just get through and when everything has become a monotonous routine from kissing your partner goodbye as you head off to work to going out with friends on a Friday night… you’re missing your actual life.

This way of living is completely joyless and unsatisfying; because it is UNLIVED! I actually quite like to drive, huge surprise to me! When I’m on autopilot I miss the joy of it.

There are two ways to approach this (apart from just completely ignoring it, which is always an option, but what a shame to miss your life or wait for something drastic to happen to wake you up out of zombie mode).

1. Feel and connect to the present. This can be done immediately. It can be very revealing and relieving and even enjoyable.

2. Explore why you’re numbing out and what it is you’re actually avoiding feeling. This is the soul searching, sometimes icky and hard work but life changing stuff.

Truth is you’re going to have to do both if you want to feel fully alive in your life, but for now, here are 5 ways to feel, connect and wake up to the present moment. Regardless of where you are and what you’re doing these micro-practices can have an immediate effect.

1. Come back to your body. How is your body feeling right now? Is there any tension, discomfort or pain? Are you able to access any other sensations in your body? No need to judge. I still find my body is quite numbed out even though I do somatic practices like conscious dance regularly.

2. Come back to your breath. How are you breathing right now? Are you taking short, sharp, shallow breaths up high in upper body or long, deep belly breaths? Again, you don’t need to change anything here. Just notice.

3. Come to your senses. What can you smell? Touch? Taste? Hear? See? Smell is a big one for me. I love to carry some essential oil with me and smell it to centre myself if I find I’m getting into my head. We say ‘come to our senses’ for a reason!

4. Attend to the task at hand. Just. One. Task. Even if it is as mundane as washing dishes, brushing teeth or commuting to work — can you stay with it and see what happens when you fully experience it? I often find the tasks that I resist the most are not uncomfortable or boring when I just give them my full attention.

5. Ask yourself the question: In this moment what am I choosing? As I cover in the post: Don’t find your purpose — live your intentions instead — I love this question posed by Deepak Chopra. It can help you choose while still allowing the here and now of life to happen. It can also reveal what it is you’re avoiding feeling. In this way it can be a stepping stone to a deeper exploration of why you choose autopilot mode.

• Have you lived swathes of your life in autopilot mode?

• Do you know what made you come to your senses and back to life?

• Have you tried any of these techniques, or others, to get back into the here and now? Which are you favourite?

• Would you like to explore why you’re choosing autopilot mode? I’m here to help!

“It isn’t the life that matters, it’s the courage you bring to it.”

- Yogi Bhajan

An antidote to the mundane

An antidote to the mundane

When I left the corporate world I was naïve enough to think that I was also leaving behind the mundane. While I absolutely loved my last role it did involve a five hour round-trip commute across London when I went into the office. When I eventually got into the office there was a lot of sitting in meetings. And the office was in a business park in the middle of nowhere so all the glitz and glam of my previous central London jobs was completely absent. No people-watching, luscious parks, exquisite window displays and general city life to distract and entertain me.

I swapped my mind numbing commute and back-to-back meetings in windowless rooms for motherhood and working for myself. While children are wonderous, humbling and inspiring beings — the day to day of motherhood can be very repetitive. That never-ending pile of laundry, food prep for forever hungry tiny mouths, and tidying up again and again and again. Even working for myself, doing something I absolutely love, involves some pretty mundane days filled with admin.

Now I realise that of course, whatever you do, however actively you’ve chosen to do it and regardless of how much you love it, you are inevitably going to have to do some things that are humdrum and routine. The monotonous mundane. It’s part of life.

I do think it is possible to find meaning and even experience the divine in the mundane. This can be a beautiful spiritual practice of the highest order. However, I personally struggle with it and certainly can’t do it every time I’m monitoring teeth brushing or filling out my tax returns. More and more I’m finding that in order to maintain perspective and feel connected and really alive I need to experience a regular amount of the sublime.

For me, the sublime is about experiencing something awesome, wonderous, enchanting, expansive. It is a full-body experience. Two of the main ways I access it is through conscious dance and being in nature. Both enable me to get out of my monkey mind (which can be a very repetitive place to be) and into my body. I am able to let go, feel connected to something bigger than me, and access peace and bliss.

When I start to feel worn down by the humdrum or feel like I’m losing perspective or connection I go out into the woods and disappear on a journey into nature or I put the music on and take a journey into myself. Both are like plugging into source for me. I come back with more energy, greater clarity and greater perspective and often some much needed guidance.

What feels sublime is totally individual. The important thing is to know what is it that you can access regularly that makes you feel alive, elevated and connected.

So what is sublime for you? When did you last experience it? Are there ways you can incorporate more sublime experiences into your day or week when life starts to get a bit too mundane? Or are you content with the mundane?

As well as knowing where to receive your regular dose of the sublime it is also useful to be open to experiencing the sublime because sometimes you’ll find the most sublime moments in the most unexpected of places.

‘I believe the world is incomprehensibly beautiful — an endless prospect of magic and wonder.’ Ansel Adams

What would you like written on your gravestone?

What would you like written on your gravestone?

Gravestones from Igrexa de San Pedro, Muras, Spain — where many of my Spanish ancestors are buried. Not much written about their work on these.

In my first corporate job, over 20 years ago, I worked for a boss who bullied me.

I was 20, fresh out of university, and had absolutely no clue about anything to do with the corporate environment.

She was a very young managing director, under more pressure than she could handle. And I was her punching bag.

She had a nervous breakdown in the end. In fact, she had two.

When she came back to her office to pack up her stuff once and for all she called me in and told me this:

‘When you die Tania, they aren’t going to write on your gravestone ‘dedicated her life to company X or was an exemplary executive at company Y’.

It really stuck with me. There she was packing up her career into a few cardboard boxes. Devastated. Everything she had worked for her entire adult life reduced to this. Knowing she was never coming back.

I ended up working in communications for 20 years. I had 10 different jobs. I worked for companies large and small, public and private. Toxic and progressive. Agency and consultancy. I worked full time and part time. I got burnt out. I got back on my feet. Her words were often in the back of my mind. Particularly when I got burnt out. Because she was absolutely right of course. However much you give to a company, you are a human resource. You can have a great boss, fantastic colleagues, love your work… but it is pretty unlikely that what you’re doing there will end up getting mentioned on your gravestone.

I’m not suggesting you quit your 9–5 (or should I say 8–7). I did stay in the game for 20 years after all. But it was always just that to me. A game. And when I found myself losing that perspective; when work started to become all consuming; when the hours at work started to stretch insidiously, when I was constantly thinking about work outside of work; what my first boss said to me was a useful albeit sobering reminder. Is what I am getting stressed and anxious about so important and so big a part of me that it will end up on my gravestone? Will this project, its success or failure, my salary, my ‘status’ my job title be in my thoughts when I’m dying? No, it won’t be. Will I regret it if I work harder? Quite possibly.

In her book, ‘The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing,’ once palliative nurse, Bronnie Ware, tells us exactly what we’re most likely to regret when it comes to our final hours. Wishing we hadn’t worked so damn hard is the second biggest regret:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

If you’re losing perspective; if work is becoming your everything; if you feel like you’re stuck on the treadmill — have a look at this list. With this in mind what small steps can you take to avoid having one or all of these regrets?

My boss also, somewhat ironically, left me with one more piece of advice before leaving. ‘Be kind to everyone on the way up as you never know who you’ll meet on the way down.’

There is so much to be said for being kind and treating others as you’d like to be treated. I refer you once more to that gravestone and what you’d like written on it as well as all the research that shows that being kind makes you happier and improves your wellbeing. And, as I’ve written previously, choosing to be kind, compassionate and loving even in very small ways can be more meaningful than achieving ‘success’.

So, there you have it. Think about what you’d like to have written on your gravestone and be kind. Oh, how potent the teachings can be from the most unlikely of places.

“In a world where death is the hunter, my friend, there is no time for regrets or doubts. There is only time for decisions.” Carlos Castenada